I Belong With You, You Belong With Me
by UniqueInsanity
Summary: Begins post 1x01 and follows the GSR story from episode to episode, exploring the development of the relationship when the cameras stopped rolling. Will be doing one for each episode, hopefully!
1. Phonecalls and Promises

**A/N: **Alright so here we go, first new fic of the New Year! This is the result of watching season one from the beginning and thinking 'Hey, I wonder what happened before/after that GSR scene.' So, this is the resulting fic!

This is like a pre/post ep, probably from each episode, with some exploration of the GSR relationship. I do hope to keep it going, all the way at least until they get together as a couple, then we will see where it goes from there!

A big thanks to two amazing GSR lovers on tumblr, maybeweshouldgetmerried and bittersweethalycon who read this idea for me before I started and encouraged me to continue with it!

And a massive thanks to notreadytosaygoodbye who read this whole chapter for me when I was feeling doubtful about my writing, and made me post this.

So, this is dedicated to you guys, thank you so much for the help!

Hope you all enjoy, and stick with this story!

**Disclaimer:** Nothign here is mine, unfortunately. All owned by CBS and all other people involved with CSI.

_**xxx**_

He seemed to be the only person left in the lab at this stage. He just needed some time to think to himself about the events of the day.

It had been a long, stressful one, to say the least. Holly Gribbs, day one on the job, and she gets shot. Where was Warrick? Was Holly going to live? What about Warrick, how would he handle that?

He sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, trying to relieve some stress. He still had some things to do, but he just needed a few minutes to himself so he could think thing through.

He slipped his cellphone from his pocket, and flipped it open, looking at the screen blankly for a moment, before he selected the keypad.

He knew her number off by heart, which surprised him a little. It had been a few months since he had last spoken to her, and it was not because of lack of effort on her behalf.

Work was a perfect excuse for him, and the best thing was that she was in the same line of work, so she understood the long, unsociable hours, and what might delay him in replying to her emails or phone calls. It wasn't an excuse for months of no contact, but it was something.

Work was the reason he was phoning her right now. At least, that was what he told himself.

There was a lot he didn't allow himself to think of when it came to her. It was best to try and forget about her, but that was near impossible. He would succeed for a limited amount of time, and then he would think back to the many long evenings they had spent just talking, about anything and everything.

There were many occasions when he would pull his phone out, but he couldn't think of what to say to her, so he usually ended up putting it back in his pocket and taking out some work instead.

For a long time after returning from the seminar he thought for eight weeks, he found it incredibly difficult to forget about her, when he knew he had to. He knew it would be best for him. Especially in the first few weeks after he returned, there had been no communication. He fully believed that he had destroyed everything, he couldn't blame her for not using the contact information that he had left for her.

Everywhere he went, the lab, a crime scene, the store, the chemist, even when he went to ride a roller coaster to try and forget about her existence, it was impossible. Every brunette he saw, whether her hair was too dark, too light, too long, too short, too curly or not curly enough, he automatically thought of her. His heart pounded and his palms became sweaty, in the moment it took for his brain to catch up with his heart, and realise logically that it was not the person he wanted it to be.

He wasn't entirely sure he even wanted to forget about her. The time he had spent with her was, dare he admit it, possibly the best time he had in his life. He felt like a new person, re-energized, vitalized and content. He had a taste of happiness that was not brought to him by work. This young, talented, beautiful, intelligent, witty, caring, sensitive, yet extremely stubborn and strong woman made him feel like a brand new man. One that was ten years younger.

Yet, it also brought insecurities. He was getting older. Yes, that was life, but it had only become obvious to him now. Painfully obvious. He didn't have much going in the line of relationships. Not after the last one, anyway, but that was something for another day.

Without much attempt to forget about her, they had begun emailing, something Grissom had gotten to learn to use specifically for that reason. Then it progressed to phone calls. Every night. They talked about everything and nothing. Interesting cases, other developments in the world of forensics, reading, some television and even music. It was easy, and comfortable, not awkward as Grissom had found so many previous relationship.

Not that he classed this as a relationship. It was just two friends discussing things they had in common. That was all.

Until he started to think too hard on it. She was getting attached, and so was he. It wasn't fair to either of them, but his concern was mostly for her. What could he offer to her, when she was in San Francisco and he was in Vegas? He was significantly older, he was pretty uneducated when it came to relationships, and after so many solitary years, he had become quite the introvert, and his work just meant too much to him,and took up too much of his time. He didn't like talking about much, unless it was work related. It was a struggle for most other things on a personal level.

So he started to avoid her. It hurt. He would admit that. He threw himself into his work in the lab more than ever, working double after double. When he went home, he was working on experiments. It used to be for fun. Now it was the only thing he could use to distract himself with.

She had reverted to emailing him after a few days of him not returning her calls, only allowing them to roll over to voice mail. He ignored those also. He didn't even allow himself to read them, for fear of wanting to reply straight away, and guilt was also a factor. He felt he was hurting her all over again.

So this time, as he pulled out his cell phone to call her, he told himself it was only work related. He needed someone to do a job, and she was the best person for it, the only one he trusted to do it, and do it well.

As he dialed her number, he half expected her to not answer, heck, he deserved it, he knew that.

On the fourth ring, he got his answer.

"Sidle." She said smoothly.

He felt that half smile ease onto his lips when he heard her voice, and of its own accord, he felt his pulse quicken. He really did like her voice.

It had taken a lot for her to answer. She had looked at the caller I.D for a moment, trying to decide what she should do. It had been weeks since she last spoke to him, and she knew he was avoiding her, so she had given up and tried to move on.

When she answered the phone, she realised it had been a wasted effort thinking she could accomplish such a task. You could not forget Gil Grissom, no matter how you tried. He certainly had a way of making an impression.

"Hey, Sara. It's Grissom." Duh, he though. She has caller I.D. of course she knows who this is. "Uh, how are you?" He asked quickly.

"I'm good. How are you?" She could almost feel his nerves through the phone. This wasn't a social call, she had gathered that much.

"That's good. I'm good. I'm sorry for having been out of touch... Work has been busy. You know what it's like."

Even though he couldn't see her, she nodded. "Yeah, I do. And that's fine. I understand." What a lie. She didn't understand, and she most certainly did not believe it to be fine. She was just relieved he was talking to her, to be able to hear his soothing voice.

"Listen, I have a favor to ask of you." He thought it was best to just dive right in, maybe forget the awkwardness so far.

"Shoot."

He cringed slightly at her wording, but he knew that it wasn't intentional. "Um, we hired a new CSI, Holly Gribbs, and she was shot on the scene, but I need someone to conduct the internal investigation for me. And, you're the only one with the uh, qualifications that I trust, to do this."

"I heard about that, on the news. How is she?"

"Critical at the moment." He said with a small sigh. it really didn't look good for her. Or for Warrick, he thought sullenly.

"I'm sorry." And really, she didn't know what she was sorry for. It just felt appropriate to say right now. "I'll um, clear it with my supervisor and get the first flight I can." What? That was not what she had planned to say. But, he said he trusted her. He needed her right now.

Like the ever faithful student, eager to please her teacher, she had agreed, despite how her heart protested. Maybe it would be okay. She would go, help with his investigation, come home, and continue with the seemingly impossible task of forgetting Gil Grissom. She could manage that much, surely.

A sigh of relief, maybe excitement, left his lips. "Thank you, Sara. I really appreciate your help. Let me know what time your flight is at, and I'll organise someone to collect you from the airport."

"You don't have to worry about that, I'll get a taxi. I'll sort out a hotel when I get there too."

"It's the least I can do, organise a lift for you." He wanted to say accommodation too. He wanted more than anything to invite her to stay at his townhouse, to just have one more day together like they had in San Francisco, but he knew he couldn't. They would have to be professional, and he knew she was capable of that.

Sara bit her lip slightly, sensing his hesitation. She seemed to have a knack for guessing what he was thinking, and it made her sigh slightly.

She felt the same. "Well, I'm going to go get clearance, pack and get catch a plane to Vegas. If you get a chance, will you email me the file, so I can look over it before I land. You do remember what email is, right?"

He winced slightly at the jab, but he felt himself smiling then. That was the Sara he knew alright. "Yes, I do. I'll send it to you soon."

"Perfect." She said gently. "I'll see you soon." Very soon. In hours. Wow. What was she going to do.

"Yeah, you will." He paused for a moment, and they just remained in a comfortable silence, neither quite ready to let the other go.

"Bye Griss."

"Bye Sara."

They both clicked their cells shut, and tossed them aside.

Almost simultaneously, they closed their eyes, tilted their head back slightly and took a deep breath. After about a moment, they both stood, grabbed their cells, and went to tackle the new tasks they had.

Neither of them thought that they would see each other again, once he left San Francisco, but they were both proved wrong. What else would they be wrong about?

_**xxx**_

**A/N: **Please leave a review and let me know what you think, if you want some more.


	2. Wilde Wishes

_**xxx**_

She was proud of herself for managing to keep calm so far. After ringing her boss, and getting his approval, (he jumped at the chance to be able to say that one of his guys was personally called upon by Gilbert Grissom), she packed a bag with a few sets of clothes, just in case the case ran longer than she expected.

The cab ride to the airport, as well as the wait for her plane, she had remained fairly composed. As the pilot came on over the intercom to state that we were twenty minutes out from Las Vegas, she began to lose a bit of her self control. She tried her best to focus on the file Grissom had sent over. She continued to scrawl over the small notepad she had, making her own points on the investigation.

She felt herself getting hotter, and found it harder to sit still. She rubbed her hands together, flexing her fingers as the minutes ticked away, and soon they were touching down as she took a few calming deep breaths.

As she got off the plane, the first thing that struck her was the heat. Stifling, overwhelming, and making it difficult to breathe. She shrugged off the green cardigan she had and slung her carry on bag over her shoulder as she made her way through the airport, through customs and airport security.

She looked around as she made her way out to the front door, once again struck by the heat, struggling once more to keep her breaths even, but she didn't think it was just because of the humid air.

She checked her cell for the last message she had received from Grissom. He stayed true to his word (this time), by sending someone to pick her up. He said to look out for a black Denali, a tall guy with dark hair and sunglasses called Nick Stokes.

Well, he wasn't hard to find. She came across him almost immediately, leaning against the side of the dark Denali with a black sleeveless shirt on, looking at something on his phone. He looked up right then, and smiled softly as he put his cell back in his pocket as he stepped away from the Denali. "Sara Sidle, San Francisco?"

She smiled softly. "Nick Stokes... Let me guess... Texas?" There was no denying the slight drawl in his accent.

He laughed and offered her his hand. "Got it in one. Nice to meet you."

"You too." She said as she shook his hand.

"Have a nice flight? I know it was short notice, but you got out here fast? Eager to get home already?" He said as he took the carry on bag she had, despite her protest, and put it in the back seat.

More like eager to get here. "Yeah, something like that." She said as she slipped into the passenger seat as Nick started up the Denali and they pulled out of the collection area in the airport. She was even more relieved when he turned the air conditioning on.

"Don't worry, you get used to the heat."

"Oh yeah, how long did it take you, cowboy?"

"Eh, longer than you'll probably be here." She couldn't help but laugh, and he chuckled too.

"So, you're on the Holly case?" Nick asked as he looked over at Sara, who just turned to look at him. She had the darkest brown eyes he had ever seen.

"Yeah, I am. How is she?"

"I haven't heard much, to be honest. Grissom will know more than I will. There is so much going on, and I never even got to meet the girl. First day on the job shouldn't be like that."

"Yeah, you're right. Rough first day."

"What level are you?" Nick asked, trying to scope out this woman his mentor seemed to have so much faith in, despite the protests from the team. Mostly Catherine. He didn't have a problem with bringing someone in, that was the only way to finish this case, he knew that.

"Level two, for the moment. Not far off level three." She said with a smile, she had moved up through the ranks faster than any other CSI at the San Francisco lab, but she had a good inspiration.

"Yeah, me too. I bet I'll get there before you." He said with a cheeky smile.

"Oh yeah? Saddle up cowboy, you're on." She countered, arching her eyebrows in amusement.

"Expect an email from me soon when I get the promotion." He paused for a moment. There was one question they had tried to figure out. "So, how do you know Grissom?"

Sara took a moment to answer, clearing her throat as if she needed some water. "He was a guest lecturer at a seminar at the Forensic Academy Conference a while back. I had a lot of questions, and he had a lot of answers." That was putting it lightly.

The rest of the conversation flowed easily between them. Sara liked Nick, he was easy to talk to and the laughs came just as easy.

He offered to drop her off at her hotel but she declined. That could wait until later. Right now she wanted to see Grissom, for work reasons only ( well, mostly), and get started on her investigation. She didn't procrastinate.

Under twenty minutes later, she thanked Nick and bid her goodbye as she slid out of the Denali, grabbing her bag out of the back seat, once again assaulted by the smothering Vegas air, and it was only around noon. The ever persistent nerves had kicked in full blast as she showed her I.D to the cop on the scene, and as she lifted the yellow tape she seen him.

Even though he had his back turned, she knew it was him. She stood for just a moment taking it in, trying to calm herself, as he started examining the dummies. She finally shook her head and stepped forward as she heard his voice.

"Norman pushed." Snaps photos. "Norman jumped." Snaps some more. "Norman fell."

She set her bag down as she stepped up, sliding her sunglasses off. "Wouldn't you if you were married to Mrs. Roper?"

"I don't even have to turn around... Sara Sidle." He couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips as he turned to face her, and the fact it grew even wider when he finally saw her.

"It's me." _Duh, of course it is, Sidle. _"Still tossing simulation dummies? There are other ways to tell, y'know?"

"How? Computer simulation? No thank you. I'm a scientist, I like to see it." _And I definitely like to see you. _He shook his head slightly, scolding himself. Things were different now. Completely different. "Newton dropped the apple, I dropped dummies."

"You're old school." He looked exactly the same, the same bright blue eyes, and the dimples. The photos she had of them really didn't do him justice.

"Exactly." _That's the problem, I'm old._ "And this guy was pushed."

"How's the girl?" Genuine concern made her ask.

His bright features darkened and he was reminded of what it was that brought Sara here to Vegas. "She's still in surgery, she's not doing too well."

She sighed and looked away from him. "That's too bad."

"God, Sara, I have so many unanswered whys."

_So do I, Grissom._ "There's only one why that matters now. Why did Warrick Brown leave that scene?"

_**xxx**_

Sara was thoroughly exhausted, yet proud. She found out exactly why Warrick Brown had left the scene, one unanswered why Grissom could scratch off his list.

Holly had died, but, thankfully, she had done enough to help them put her killer behind bars. Not that Sara had ever met her, but she felt she would have made a good CSI. Even in her last moments, she was thinking of evidence.

They stood outside, waiting to see him being taken away. Sara had stood a little way off from the team, until Grissom had come out, and he stood beside her.

"Well done, you did a good job." He said with a smile. He knew she would be more than capable for the job.

"Well, I had a good teacher." She shot back.

"I can't take all the credit, you did a lot of work on your own."

Sara smiled softly, trying to fight the blush that threatened to creep up on her face.

"When is your flight?"

"I still have a few hours before I have to be at the airport." She was trying not to think of exactly how much longer she had left here before she had to go back.

"Well then, how about we have dinner?" He asked not looking at her.

"What?" She asked, unable to contain her shock.

"As a uh, thank you. For your help on the case." He offered quickly.

"Oh, okay. Sure. Once we're finished here let me just get my stuff and I'm good to go." She didn't know if she was disappointed or relieved. Dinner with Grissom. What was going to come of this?

_**xxx**_

"Nice place." Sara said as she stepped inside his townhouse little over forty five minutes later, her bag slung over her shoulder, and Grissom carried the Chinese they had picked up on the way home. "It's very... You."

He smiled as he closed the door behind her, and he led her through his home. "Thank you." He was proud of his home, not that he spent much time here, but it was more like a larger office with a bed.

It was exactly what Sara would have imagined his home to be. Lined with shelves, filled with books of varying genres and jars with some very curious specimens.

Grissom had made his way to the kitchen, and began dishing out their food as Sara had a look around.

"Making yourself at home?" Grissom called as she looked through some of the books, taking particular interest in the poetry titles he had, making a mental note to read some of them, and smiling when she noted that she also had some of them. There were a lot of titles he had that she had read already.

"Just taking a look around." She said as she made her way down the few steps and over to the island he had in his kitchen, propping herself up on one of the stools as he passed a plate towards her.

"I guess that curiosity has never changed." He said with a small chuckle as he took his seat beside her.

"Well, I'm not a CSI for nothing, I think that is something that is in the job requirement, must be curious." She said as she started eating, savoring each bite slowly. "Chinese tastes so much nicer in Vegas than is does in Frisco."

"Have you forgotten already?" Grissom laughed as he popped a prawn cracker in his mouth.

Sara looked at him, a little puzzled. "What?"

"Remember that Chinese we had? What was it called? Fortune Cookie? We found brillo pad in the chicken."

Sara grimaced, and almost choked on the mouthful she had as she started to laugh. "Oh my God, how did I forget that? That was disgusting. I can still feel it in my mouth. No wonder it tastes nicer here."

"That depends where you go in Vegas. Luckily for you, I know all the good places."

"Well, ever since then I've had a serious re-think of all the places I eat from back home. Now I know the best places too." She countered.

"About time." He smiled, a genuine smile. This was going much better than he thought. There was no awkwardness, everything was as normal between them, as if the last few months had not happened at all.

Sara found herself looking around his kitchen, a comfortable silence taking over. "I like your decorating in here. A lot of butterflies." She said with a knowing smile.

"I like butterflies." He added as her eyes met his, brown eyes locked with blue. His coy smile matched hers, both thinking of the butterfly farm they had visited on many occasions, as well as the small butterfly tattoo Sara had on her left side.

"How much longer do we have?" Grissom asked, clearing his throat, as he set his now empty plate aside.

Grissom stood, taking her empty plate also, and bringing them to the sink to wash them. Sara took their glasses and stood by him at the sink. "Just under two hours before I have to check in." She said with a small sigh as she picked up a dish cloth to dry the dishes as he washed them.

"I am not looking forward to this flight back." She most definitely was not. This was so good, to be back with him, but she knew it was only for a short while, she had been preparing herself for leaving before she had even stepped off of the plane.

"You don't have to go back." He said as he began washing the dishes. "I mean um... You could stay here."

Sara gasped slightly as she looked at him, but he remained focused on the dished. "What?"

"What I meant was, um.. You know we're down a CSI, and you are incredibly talented, and I trust you, the lab, the team, would really benefit from having you working there." I would benefit greatly too.

"You want me to stay here, and work on the team, on your team?" She asked as she started to dry them and stack them aside.

"Yes, I do." He said honestly. It wasn't a lie. He just didn't reveal why else he wanted her here. He tried to tell himself over and over it was just professional, it was simply a working relationship. He knew deep inside there was more than that. He just wanted her close, in any selfish way he could have her, without actually having her.

"We are one of the top labs in the country, Sara. I know it's a lot to ask of you, to leave San Francisco, to leave your home, and to come out here, to a place you don't know. But, I think you would do a great job here, really, I think everyone would get on well with you."

Sara laughed a little as she dried the last of the dishes and he started to put them away. "I really don't think I made a good impression. I'm the one who investigated Warrick, and got him in trouble, which, if it weren't for you being very forgiving and offering a second chance, he would be out of a job right now. Catherine, definitely does not want another female on the team. Yeah, we got on alright for a while, but that was because she knew I was leaving. I don't think she'll appreciate me being here."

"But I heard you got on well with Nick, I heard him and a lab tech talking about the new girl." Grissom was never one to listen in on conversations, but when it was about a certain brunette, and centered around how beautiful she was, and the fact that yes, he legs did seem to go on forever, he couldn't help but listen. He hated to even bring that up to her, knowing what was said, but he was pulling out all the stops, he wanted her to stay.

"Greg with the crazy hair?" Sara said with a small smile. "Yeah, he was nice. Nick too, very polite." She said with a small smile, noting the change in Grissom's stance.

Sara took a deep breath, as Grissom watched her closely. He was starting to regret asking her.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. You have a job, and a home, and friends and a life in San Francisco."

"Yes."

"Really?" He said, shocked. He had not expected her to agree. At least not as fast.

His words had struck a cord with her. All she really had there was a job. Not a home, she was barely there. She only had two good friends, Doug and Orla, and they all worked together, so that also came under the fact that her life was revolving around her job.

She could start over here. Get better at her job by working with some brilliant people in one of the best labs in the country. She could start a new life here, and make some friends, in work and out of work. And, she would be close to Grissom.

"Yes, really." she confirmed with a nod as she set the dish cloth aside, leaning against the counter now. "I'm going to need some time, sort things out back in Frisco, with work, and my apartment and all that."

"Yes, of course, take as much time as you need." Grissom nodded. He rubbed his lower jaw between his thumb and index finger. "I'll get working on the paper work and have it all in order for when you come back. I'll even have a little scout for apartments here for you."

"Thank you, I would appreciate that. After all, you know all the good places in Vegas." She said with a small smile. This was surreal.

He laughed and nodded. "You're right."

"So... You're my boss now." Sara mused.

"I'm your boss." He confirmed with a nod. He took a deep breath. "I want to apologise for what happened... For how things ended." He didn't know where this was coming from. This was not what he had in mind for wanting to make her come and work in Vegas.

Sara looked at him with a small smile, and shook her head. "Don't apologise. It was a long time ago. It's fine. Things are different now. You're my boss."

Things were different. Maybe this was what they both needed. They could have a professional relationship, maybe even friendship, but it had to remain professional, he knew that. He could not risk everything he had worked for his whole life.

"I should get going." Sara said, breaking the silence that had settled over them.

"Yeah, right, you have a lot to sort out. I'll give you a ride." He said as he went to get his keys.

Sara shook her head as she made her way back to the table, picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. "No, no, it's fine, I've intruded enough, I'm gonna get a cab, and make some calls on the way back, try to speed things up." She said as she made her way back to his door, and he followed.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." She said as she turned to look at him. "I um, forgot I got something for you. I meant to send it a while ago." She unzipped her bag and rummaged through it for a moment before pulling a wrapped package out, and passed it to him.

He knew it was a book and he smiled, a little taken aback. "There was no need for that."

"You will be thanking me when you open it."

"I'm thanking you already."

Sara smiled, and this time she did blush. "Well, I better get going. Thank you for the dinner, and for the job." She said, trying to lighten the mood again.

He smiled and shook his head. "No, Sara, thank you for the great work. I'll be in touch soon, about everything."

Sara smiled. "I'll look forward to it."

She opened the door and stepped outside, letting it close behind her.

What had she just gotten herself into?

_**xxx**_

As the door closed, Grissom took a deep breath. He stood there for a moment, still inhaling her scent, the sweet vanilla that disappeared all too soon.

He held the package in his hand for a moment before he made his way to the sofa and sat down to open it.

He smiled and laughed when he read the title. Did she remember every conversation they had?

'The collected works of Oscar Wilde.'

She knew him too well.

He wondered then just how much willpower he had when it came to Sara Sidle.

_**xxx**_

Her cell buzzed in her pocket as she sat in the cab. She pulled it out and flipped it open, reading the message, a sigh falling from her lips.

_'Memory is the diary that we all carry about with us.' G._

That was so Grissom. But once again, he was right. Memories were all they could have now.

_**xxx**_

**A/N: **So, there we go, chapter number two, based on 1x02, Cool Change. Big thanks to a great girl, notreadytosaygoodbye on tumblr, who has read this chapter for me and given her go ahead! Thanks for the reviews so far guys, you have all been great, **please keep them coming. **I would love to read some more guys ;)

**A/N2: **Please, let me know, should I include the bits that we have already seen in the episodes, like I did in this one, like the 'I don't even have to turn around, Sara Sidle.' or, do you want me to avoid that and keep it just kind of, when the cameras have stopped rolling? Let me know!


	3. Promotions and Promiscuity

_**xxx**_

Little over a week later, Sara was back in Vegas. She was staying in a hotel for the moment, just until she finalised the details of her new apartment. Grissom had really come through on his end of the deal, and put together a pretty good list. She was feeling a little nervous about the team, among other aspects. Nick had come through with his email, confirming he had been promoted to a CSI level three. She had a feeling that they would get on very well.

Things had went much better than she thought they would in San Francisco. Mark, her boss, was easier to deal with than everyone else. Of course, he had been a little shocked that she was leaving, he wondered if it was something he had done, but he made a comment that stayed with her. He said he had expected it, he had noticed a change in her since the Forensic Academy Conference. Had it really been that noticeable?

In the end, he gave her a glowing reference, his best wishes and a tight hug. She had him to thank for a lot of her skills as a criminalist. He really did his best teaching her, but he knew himself, she would be a great CSI, one of the best. She wouldn't get there unless she had one of the best labs, with one of the best CSI's. That was Grissom.

Orla had been quite understanding too. They had remained close since college, and Orla had given her a knowing look which Sara had shaken off. Why did everyone seem convinced that she was moving for a reason other than work? She had made herself a promise when she was eight years old, to be the best she could be in whatever she chose to do, to not have the same life as her parents. There were many obstacles she had to overcome so far, but now she was confident. She could go to Vegas and be the best. She could just be his friend, and work with him, they were both capable of being professional. Things were much different now. With a promise to keep in touch, Orla had been satisfied.

Doug was a different story. He took some convincing that she was going for the right reasons, he didn't believe her, heck, she didn't fully believe herself, but she convinced him in the end. She had told him everything about Grissom and her. She needed to tell someone, and he was the only person she trusted. The two of them were close since they had worked together on an NTSB crashed plane, when Sara had first started her training. They had dated for a while, but now they were just close friends, despite the rumors in the lab. A guy and a girl could just be friends, and do a little flirting, it was harmless, why did people have to make more out of it?

He helped her pack, and box some of her things, her furniture was to be sent to storage in Vegas until she had an apartment ready. Her car was being picked up and transported to Vegas too, she couldn't face driving the distance. Doug dropped her to the airport, and walked with her as far as he could go. Once again, there was a hug and a promise to keep in touch. Sara felt more of an effort would be made on both sides with Doug, than with Orla. As she walked away he called her name and she turned to face him.

"Look after yourself, Sidle."

She knew he didn't just mean on the job, he meant her heart too.

_**xxx **_

This was it, her first case as a CSI of the Las Vegas Crime Lab. An abduction case, she had worked many before, so she had some experience in areas like this. Time was of the essence, every piece of evidence was vital in making the next step as quickly as possible. She was nervous and excited. She had a lot to prove, to herself, to the team and to Grissom.

She stepped into the house, setting her case down before she entered. There seemed to be plenty of hands, typical of an abduction case. As she processed, she had another CSI behind her documenting the evidence.

"Get a picture of that security pad." She called first, and the young CSI nodded. "If someone touches it before it's printed, I break their fingers." She wasn't joking. His eyes widened and he nodded.

She smiled a little as she turned her back, surveying the scene before her, markers in hand. "Shoot the mirror, point of disturbance." She said as she set the first marker down on the mirror. "The lamp, point of disturbance." She said as she knelt down by the lamp, taking another look of what was ahead of her.

Her eyes lit up as she spotted something. Carefully, she made her way to the door frame, but before she could take a closer look, she felt a warm breath on her neck.

"You're standing in my crime scene." She said as she turned to face the dark haired Texan.

He shot her a smile and shook his head. "No, you're in mine." He grinned as he flashed a tape at her.

"You're doing audio? I wanted that."

"I outrank you." Not for long, Nicky.

"Technicality." She called over her shoulder, turning to face him. "Who did Grissom hand pick to work here?" She beamed, still feeling proud over that little bit of information. It wasn't about their history, it was about her ability as a CSI. She knew this was not a case of nepotism.

"Uh-huh, keep telling yourself that."

_**xxx**_

This was the moment of truth, her time to impress Grissom, show him that she was a good CSI, that he would not regret hiring her.

She had moved to the bedroom, documenting the disturbances as she went, the obvious signs of struggle.

He came into the room as she snapped pictures, and she instantly turned to look at him, but he wasn't paying attention to anything other than the crime scene. See, they could be professional.

She turned her attention back to snapping more photos, collecting her thoughts on the theory she had developed so far, in preparation for when Grissom asked.

"First recall, looks like a professional job." She stated as the other CSI left the room, her heart was pounding. "Our guy, bypasses the security system, surprises the wife in the back hall. Drags her in here, she grabs onto the doorway, sign of struggle. No sign of sexual assault. He's in, they're out probably egressed through those doors." She said as she motioned towards the open french doors.

He didn't seem to be paying attention as he knelt down to examine something on the carpet. In actual fact, he had heard every word and he was impressed. She had come a long way since he had last seen her. He never doubted her talent, her resume spoke for itself, graduated as class Valedictorian at sixteen years of age, and won a scholarship to Harvard, went on to Berkley afterwards. Not many people had such achievements. And she had plenty of experience, working in a coroners office before she started as a CSI.

"Excuse me, is my evaluation interrupting you?" She asked with an arched brow, watching him. Had she said something wrong, did he disagree?

He shook his head, eyes focused on the carpet. "No, no, no. I barely heard you."

Sara shook her head in disbelief. Typical, that man never changed. "Glad I have a healthy ego." Just not when it comes to you. "You find something interesting?" More like something she had missed. She made a mental note to not let it happen again.

"Dirt." He stated simply.

"You're so... Technical, I can hardly keep up but..."

"Well sorry, but eh," He stood up. "Out of context it's just dirt." He shrugged it off, and made his way outside through the open doors, Sara following behind him.

"Did you just slap on bad cologne?" She asked after sniffing the cool air, making a nice change from the heat.

"I never wear it, it interferes with the job." He did wear it in San Francisco though. A lot. But that was to impress, not to work.

"It's almost sweet." Sara glanced around her, as Grissom smiled. "Hmph." He knelt down once more, drawing his tweezers and picked up a cloth, with no doubt that it was the source of the sweet smelling scent. He sniffed it to be sure, stood up and held it out to Sara, who in turn sniffed it again.

"Can't be chloroform." She deduced as he examined it once more.

"Halothane maybe?"

"We'll confirm it with the G-C-Mas Spec." She pulled an evidence bag from her pocket.

"Looks like a professional job, I think you said. Care to amend your evaluation." He said, teasing lightly as he placed the cloth into the bag and Sara sealed it. "I mean if the guy forgets the rag he used to knock her out, he can't be much of a pro."

Sara looked up to him, and shrugged her shoulders sightly. "I... Keep trying to be your star pupil." She admitted honestly.

He sighed ever so slightly, but remained composed. She had been, without a doubt, his star pupil. But she had also been so much more than that. He couldn't allow that to happen here. "Sara, that was a seminar, this is real."

Her eyes narrowed slightly, and she looked down. It never did to dwell on things, especially when it came to Grissom, but that stung a little, she couldn't hide it. Was that his way of telling her it had not been real for him? A wave of guilt washed over him, but he didn't let it show. He couldn't allow them to get close as they had been. She deserved better now.

He found it hard to forget the conversation that he had overheard between Nick and Greg last week, how they had both noticed her very obvious beauty, but when Greg toed the line with his comments, Nick the gentleman, defended her immediately. She deserved someone like Nick, young, handsome, smart, caring, completely unselfish, and he could appreciate her and give her everything she wanted.

She didn't reply, and he kept going. "Pebbles, tile. The front is all concrete."

"No dirt, context, but there is dirt on the carpeting inside."

"In an otherwise spotless house."

"You're saying, the kidnapper dragged the dirt in."

"Possible. As of now that's about all we have, so... I guess we follow the dirt."

She smiled and shook her head as he brushed past her going back inside. Ever the enigma.

_**xxx**_

Grissom burst into the breakroom, beaming, his present for Lindsey in his hands.

"You have to see the birthday present I got for your daughter." He grinned.

Sara was behind him, even without seeing her, he could sense her presence, and the sweet scent of vanilla that seemed to follow her. "What's the rule?" She asked. "How long do I have to be here before I start kicking in for gifts."

"When the spirit moves you, Sara, so in your case, I guess, never."

Sara raised her eyebrows, taken aback. What was her problem?

Grissom noticed it also, and made a mental note to speak to Catherine about it, but for now, a change of subject was the best he could do. "I got one of these chemlabs when I was six, I almost blew up the whole house." He chuckled at the fond memory, even though it had resulted in a stern lecture from his mother and father, and they took it off of him.

"I hope you can return it, 'cause eh, Lindsey doesn't want a party."

Grissom laughed in disbelief. "Yeah right, what kid doesn't want a party?"

"My kid."

"Hey Catherine," Nick said as he came into the breakroom, carrying his present. "What time is your little girl coming by?"

"She isn't." Catherine said flatly, getting annoyed now.

"Yeah but," Nick beamed as he held up her present, "I got her a chem set." Then his eyes fell on Grissom's present and the pair exchanged glances.

"You keep that," Sara teased, "You might learn something."

"Stop flirting with me." He mocked. "Cath, really, when's the party?"

Grissom's head snapped up and he looked from Sara to Nick, not hearing Catherine's little outburst. Flirting? Was she really? Surely not. But, if Nick was saying it, there had to be some truth to it. He knew Nick was attracted to her. Who wouldn't be. Intelligent, beautiful and charming were only the tip of the ice berg when it came to describing Sara Sidle.

The question was, did she feel attracted to him? Nick was a good looking, **young** man, (young being a big advantage in Grissom's eyes), he was also intelligent and charming, and an all round nice guy, yet Grissom felt himself getting jealous.

He tried to focus on Catherine, as if he was looking at her, listening to her, not fighting the raging internal battle in his head. Snapped from his thoughts when all the beepers went off at once, he glanced at his.

He watched Sara leave, and so badly wanted to go after her, to ask her the question burning on his mind, he wanted to know the answer to this one.

As he passed Nick, he handed him the chemistry set. "We'll play with these later." If I can bare to be near you without thinking about you and Sara, that is.

_**xxx**_

She was working on the suspects truck, working on a theory. She felt her adrenaline was still pumping from the helicopter ride earlier, being a part of finding the woman alive. She was shocked that human beings were capable of doing such things, but she had seen a lot worse, and at least she was alive.

She also felt the adrenaline was still pumping for another reason. He was sending her mixed signals, hot and cold, putting her thoughts and emotions in a spin.

"You okay?" He asked as he rested his hand on her cheek as the paramedics had taken the woman away.

"Never ceases to amaze me what people do to each other." She said as she shrugged off his touch and walked away, calling for the box the woman had been buried in to be transported to the lab.

She needed some time to figure out what was going on with them, but she couldn't do that now. She needed to focus on the case, she wanted to close this.

She had a hunch she was working on, and she felt she was right. She seen Grissom and Catherine walk past the garage, and she quickly made her way out after him.

"Hey, Grissom." She called after him, and he turned to look at her. "Could you come tape me up?" She asked, holding a roll of duct tape in her hands, before smirking and disappearing back into the garage.

He couldn't hide the excitement in his eyes, or the smile on his lips when he turned to look at Catherine, that one statement brought back so many memories of nights they had spent together. "I love my work." He said, cocking his eyebrows in his smirk.

"It shows." Catherine countered.

Momentarily he glanced down at his trousers, just in case 'it' did happen to show, but for now, he had not given his true feelings away, but he was yet to be near her. It could change.

He all but raced into the garage after her, his eyes travelling up the long legs that often kept him awake at night. She was perched on the edge of the passengers seat, holding the duct tape in her hands, smiling innocently at him.

He said nothing as he took it from her and did just as she had asked (not for the first time). Their eyes remained locked the whole time, her lips pursed, his heart pounding. As he put the last bit on, she smirked at him, and he unconsciously licked his lips. He straightened up, trying not to focus too much on her. _Stick to the case, Grissom._

"So," He cleared his throat, "You found Laura's hairs here." He motioned to the passenger seat and she confirmed with a nod. "Passenger side, front seat."

"Right." Sara nodded, not taking her eyes off of him. He leaned against the door of the truck, crossing one leg over the other, just in case something became a little obvious to her. "Not in the back." She continued, playing the professional game. "Which made me ask, what kind of a kidnapper puts a woman bound and unconscious in the front seat."

She pulled her legs into the truck, and sat back properly, her hands still bound before her. "The back of my arm isn't touching the sheepskin seat."

"Yeah, so?"

"But," Sara announced almost proudly as she leaned in towards him. "There is sheepskin fiber on the back of Laura's sleeve. That tells us that Laura sat back like a normal person would, cut me, Mick." Grissom smirked as he leant forward and cut the tape from her wrists.

She leaned back and pressed her arms back against the seat, as one would do while sitting in a car. "Like this." She demonstrated.

"So, she wasn't bound at all." Grissom mused.

"Correct, but," She leaned towards him again. "Would a kidnapper risk putting an unconscious woman in the front seat of his car, even unbound? The answer is usually in the question, you taught me that." And so much more. "So, was she unconscious? We found halothane on the patio. Halothane knocks you out... If you take it."

Grissom smiled, nodding, feeling himself proud that she had figured this out. He didn't know why he was surprised. "So, you're saying she never inhaled the halothane."

"Proof would be in the blood. Halothane stays in the system, up to forty-eight hours."

He was battling to contain his smirk, knowing she would not appreciate this. "How pleased am I that I got a sample of her blood?"

She shook her head, smiling in disbelief. How could she think she would get one past him. She was so close to being ahead of him.

"So, you can go check it at the lab, see how it turned out."

She stood, smiling. "Damn it. I wanted to carry the ball over the line." She said, very close to him, her scent intoxicating, smile blinding, and eyes smoldering.

He looked away from her, trying not to succumb to the effects of her presence. "I know."

Sara sighed slightly to herself as Jim Brass came in, putting an end to the flirting, but it wasn't over.

_**xxx**_

He sat in his office at the end of shift, staring blankly at the files on front of him. He should be signing off on the reports from the cases today, but there was a certain brunette he just could not get out of his head.

What on earth was he thinking that he could pair her with him and focus one hundred percent on the case. She was overwhelming his senses, and they were pretty important for a CSI. Even now, when she was not near, his thoughts were consumed by her.

She was as beautiful as always, maybe even more so than the last time. Her dark eyes, chocolate curls, and red lips were a contrast to her pale skin. He was not the only one who noticed. Every male head, even some female, turned when she walked past, their eyes followed her until she was completely out of sight. She had that effect on people. But, she had even more of an effect on him.

It was not just her beauty that amazed him. It was her mind. Sharp as ever, that much was apparent working the case with her. It intrigued him, he loved to know what was going on in her head, he loved to hear her whole thought process. It was fascinating to him, an intelligent mind was incredibly attractive.

He had tried to be as firm with her as he could, trying to show her that the professional relationship had to happen, he thought he made it clear at the house, he knew he had hurt her with her comment, but it would be better for both of them in the end. So he thought.

She seemed to have gotten over it, and sprung back, referring to him now as 'Gruesome Grissom'. Then he heard Nick's comment, and his dominant side went into overdrive. Sara was his, even though she wasn't.

She hit back with her 'tape me up' stunt, knowing what that did to him. He played it over and over in his head, he couldn't get it off of his mind. She knew him too well, she knew how to get to him. It scared him that he could be effected so easily by her. He was not a man who liked to lose control, but he continually felt on the verge of loosing that control when she was near. He wasn't comfortable with that. Yet, he didn't want her with anybody else. If he thought of that, his blood boiled with an impossible surge of fury, and he wanted nothing more than to claim her as his own, so everyone else knew she was his. She was, his. And he was hers. Even if they didn't admit it. It was one of the aspects of their relationships, one that he loved. They did not have to say anything to know how the other felt, most of the time.

He jumped as a hand touched his shoulder. "Sorry, Grissom, I did knock, but you didn't seem to hear me." Sara offered him a smile.

He regained his posture, and cocked his head up to look at her, his eyes following her as she rounded the table to sit on the chair in front of his desk.

"Is everything okay?" She asked, knowing that something had to be on his mind to consume him so that he did not even hear her come in, or speak his name. A selfish part of her hoped it was her on his mind, but she was doubtful.

He shook his head as he straightened up, and started closing over the files. "Just thinking about the cases. There is a lot more to deal with as a supervisor." He said, which was true, he had a lot more paperwork to do now that he was in charge of the shift. "Are you okay?" He asked as he looked up to her, and started putting the files away.

"Yeah, I was just swinging by to say goodnight, that's all, but something seemed to be on your mind."

"Just a lot of work." He smiled, trying to sound genuine. "Speaking of which, excellent work on the case today, you really have come a long way since San Francisco. You ah, can expect a difference in your paycheck next week, you are now officially a CSI Level Three." He had been thinking about it during the day, was it too soon? But she proved her capability to him, this was nothing about their past, this was about her ability as a CSI, and she deserved this.

She grinned, that one hundred and fifty watt smile, and his heart skipped a beat. It was good to know she had impressed him, and he had recognized it. "Thank you." She beamed, still trying to let it sink in. "Wait until Nicky hears this." She smirked, now Nick had nothing over her, they were both equal.

Grissom stiffened and his jaw locked as he looked at her. He felt guilty immediately for feeling jealous. "You and Nick seem to be getting along very well." He commented, looking away, as he picked up his briefcase, and started to put a few files in it, but really it was to keep his hands busy.

"Yeah, he's a great guy. He doesn't seem to hate me." She got that vibe from Catherine and Warrick.

"And eh, how do you feel about him?" He asked, before his brain could catch up with his mouth, and he knew what he was saying. He cursed inwardly, he shouldn't have let that slip.

Sara understood straight away what he meant, and she smiled, looking down to her hands, folded in her lap. He was jealous. "Gil..." She trailed off, pausing for a moment. She had been careful to only call him Grissom, or her newly invented Gruesome Grissom. She felt his eyes on her. Hearing her use his first name, as she had so many times before made him look to her, despite his embarrassment.

"Nick is just a friend. That is all. That is all any of them will ever be." She said honestly, her voice shaking slightly. This was the closest they had come to discussing their relationship since she had been in Vegas.

"I didn't mean anything by it, it's none of my business, Sara." He fumbled to cover up.

She sighed, a little frustrated. "Stop lying to yourself, and to me, Gil. It won't make things any easier, it won't make things go away."

He tried to tear his eyes away from her, but he couldn't, he only nodded slowly, agreeing with her, his mouth agape.

"You know what I feel, that hasn't changed, and despite everything, despite the past, and the present, I know it hasn't changed for you either."

He was quiet for a moment, before he nodded, holding his hands up. "You're right. It hasn't changed." What he wanted to really do there was tell her just how much he loved her.

They were silent for a moment, both searching the others eyes, looking for some sort of answer, or some clue as to how to proceed.

"Come back to the townhouse with me?" He asked, his voice low, and she knew exactly what he meant by it.

Desire burned through her body like wildfire. He stood and picked up his briefcase, as she stood, feeling a little lightheaded at what they both knew was going to happen.

She wasn't thinking of the consequences, she wasn't thinking of tomorrow, she was only thinking of right now, of him, and how much she loved him, and how she missed him.

His hand found the small of her back as he led her out of the lab, both in a comfortable silence that neither wanted to break. He led her to his Denali, and she was glad her car had not arrived yet.

Minutes later they were in his townhouse, and as soon as the door shut, his lips were on hers, her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him to her, as his arms circled her waist. The kiss was hungry and passionate, yet sweet and loving all in one.

Everything else was forgotten, San Francisco, Las Vegas, her job, his job. The only thing that mattered to them was their love for the other, not caring about the consequences it could have.

The kiss broke only when they needed air, and he took her hand, leading her through to his bedroom.

She smiled and kissed him softly, but pulled back. "Got any tape lying around?" She asked with an arched eyebrow and pursed, semi-swollen lips.

"I'm sure we can come up with something."

_**xxx**_

**A/N: **Well, I needed to write something after the promos for 13x15! How are we all feeling about that? Anyway, most people said they liked that I include the moments from the episodes, so as long as it fits well with what I'm doing, I'll include the big moments :) Let me know your thoughts on this chapter, specifically the ending, and how you think it might turn out for them. Thanks so much for all of the reviews and support so far, guys!


	4. Vanishing Vanilla

_**xxx**_

He caught her on her way out, much to her own surprise. He had not spoken to her since that night, as amazing as it was. She was not surprised when she woke the next day to an empty bed. He had scrawled a note that he had been called on a case and didn't want to wake her.

She had accepted, and believed that, until that night when he had completely avoided her, and paired her with Warrick. In fact, all that week, the only time she had seen him was in the breakroom when he was handing out assignments, and even then, he refused to look at her. She had been paired with Warrick mostly, and sometimes Catherine, neither him or Nick. She thought that had something to do with their conversation last week.

She had gone by his office each night, but he either wasn't there, or he was on the phone, so she didn't disturb him.

She walked by his office on her way out, just out of habit at this stage, when he called her name. She looked up, like a rabbit caught in the headlights. She didn't like to admit how her heart started to beat a little faster in anticipation and excitement as she made her way into his office.

"Yes, Grissom?" She was rather proud her voice remained calm.

He stood from his desk, as he finished signing reports, he was already late for an autopsy, and was sure Catherine would be waiting for him.

"Uh, a case just came in, apparent suicide at WLVU. Nick is the only one available, so you're with him." He knew he was only making things worse for them now, but he didn't know what to do. He had made a colossal mistake when he took her to his townhouse that night.

Although he had wanted it more than anything, even now, he thought about her every night before he slept, but he could not shake the guilt. He felt dirty, he felt that it was wrong. He had just given her a job, and promoted her, and then he takes her home and makes love to her?

"Oh, Nick? Yeah, sure." She said, as she watched him pull his jacket on, still not looking at her. She sighed, deciding to bite the proverbial bullet. "What's happening, Grissom?" She dared not use his first name, not right now.

He nodded in the direction of the door, and she closed it, knowing this was a private conversation that the lab did not need to hear. She should have waited until after shift, until they were not in work, but God only knows how long it would have taken for her to track him down.

His eyes met hers, and he sighed, almost in defeat. He knew he couldn't have avoided this conversation forever. "Sara I... I am sorry. You know how I... How I feel." He paused, his mouth suddenly becoming dry, his palms sweaty. "But we can't do this... Or that. I'm your boss. That is all this can be. What happened was a long time ago, I think it's time we both move on, and just... Remain professional."

_Wow. _She had not expected that. "Why did you bring me here?" She asked, unable to stop the almost painful hammering of her heart. She felt dirty now, used and swept aside. She knew that was not the type of man Grissom was, but she felt like she had been used, he had gotten what he wanted, and now he was done.

"You know why, we needed someone on the team." He began, but she cut him off.

"No, that was why Grissom brought me here, for the lab, but you, why did Gil bring me here?" She had come to see them as two almost completely different people. Sometimes it was easier to see it that way.

"Sara, we can't do this." He said firmly, trying to make himself believe it.

"So, that meant nothing to you? You're happy you got what you want, a CSI for your precious lab, and someone to sleep with when you needed it, make you feel a little better?" Her voice was low, conveying her hurt. He knew she would have been much louder if they were not in his office. She was shocked by her own direct words, and she could see he was too. She seen him flinch, and the flicker of hurt and guilt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Sara." And he was. There was nothing more that he could do. They couldn't continue this. It was unfair to her to keep a relationship going, in whatever capacity they could.

And he had his own fears and doubts. She knew a little about Julia, and he knew a little about Doug and ROss. His blood still boiled when he thought of that bastard. But everything was different. Surely she would fall for someone else, someone like Nick, or Greg, someone who adored her and would treat her right. Someone who could put her before their work, their own doubts and insecurities.

He couldn't even trust himself to look at her, because he knew the look those soulful eyes would be giving him. He couldn't guarantee that he would not pull her straight to him, apologise for what he had said and kiss her there and then, regardless of where they were. He had no control when it came to her, and that scared him, because he hated not being in control. He always had to have the upper hand.

"Fine." Sara muttered darkly, refusing to let the tears she felt burning, fall. Not here, not right now. "Have it your way, Grissom." She said forcefully, turned on her heel, opened the door and disappeared out into the hallway.

He felt he was drowning in guilt and anger, anger at himself for not being brave enough to do anything, but he had to make her understand what he was thinking, why they couldn't do anything.

He followed after her, hoping to catch her before she rolled out on this case with Nick. She had just slipped into the locker room as he made it to the door, he sighed when he heard Nick and Warrick's voices drifting out. "Dammit." He muttered.

He leaned against the doorway, taking a moment to calm himself down before he went to autopsy with Catherine. The last thing he needed was her asking him questions.

He couldn't help but hear Sara's voice as she walked into the locker room. "Fine suit." She offered, and he could see the smile that would be on her face already, lighting up those dark eyes of hers. "And well, just fine." She finished, in a light flirtatious tone that he knew all too well.

"This is harassment." Came Nick's easy reply.

Grissom quickly glanced into the room to see Nick shirtless, just pulling one over his admittedly well toned chest.

He quickly turned on his heel and stormed down the hallway, his cheeks puffed out. She knew he was there, she had to have known he was following her. His heart was hammering in his chest almost painfully. What did he expect, really. He all but told her to go and jump into bed with some other guy instead of him. Sara was smart, more intelligent than people gave her credit for, when she was easily the most intelligent on the team. She knew him, she knew how he worked.

This was her attempt at payback, for the hurt he had just caused her. Well, it was working. But, he couldn't be mad at her. It was what he had told her to do. He told her they couldn't be together, so, he had no right to say anything else. He would just sit back, and see what happens, and hope that she does move on, and that she is happy.

It was all he really wanted, was for her to be happy, because he did love her, despite his earlier actions. It was because he loved her so much, he knew they couldn't be together, she deserved better than him. If she could forget about him, and move on, Nick could make her happy, and she could have the life that she deserved.

He sighed heavily as he turned into the corridor leading to the morgue, flexing his fingers as he walked. It was time to focus on the case, and forget about Sara Sidle. Easier said than done, he thought to himself.

_**xxx**_

The double shift had come to an end, all cases solved. Grissom had returned to his office, well, more like retreated. His head was throbbing, a sharp pain right over his left eye. He knew what that meant. He reached into his drawer, and pulled out his prescription migraine tablets, the ones he kept in order to prevent an attack like this, but he had ignored the signs earlier. He quickly took a tablet, and swallowed it dry. There was no ignoring them now, they demanded to be felt. Catherine's words from earlier had struck a chord with him, and he couldn't exactly face going home right now.

_"You're right, you know, I should be just like you. Alone in my hermetically sealed condo, watching Discovery on the big screen, working genius-level crossword puzzles... But no relationships."_

She was wrong, he didn't want anyone to be like him. He knew he had his faults, he would be the first to admit he had many faults.

He was an introvert; by nature he didn't like social situations. It wasn't that he didn't have good social skills, he seemed to do alright for himself, anywhere he did have to go, there was always some woman or another who would approach him, and he could talk to them. He just preferred to keep to himself, in his own mind, unraveling his own thoughts. He often preferred to be alone than to be with others. It was never that he had a problem speaking to people, he just often preferred to not have to speak to anyone, and remain in his own thoughts.

It was the world he had grown up in. After his Father died, living with his deaf, grieving Mother, conversation was not a major part of their daily lives. That aspect of his life seemed to stay with him as he grew up, and he was finding it difficult to break habits. He had always felt comfortable in the way he was in life, until he met Sara, then he was thrown off balance.

That was another one of his many flaws. He liked to be in control. When Sara was around, that aspect of him was torn away. He couldn't control himself with her, he couldn't be in control. One look, one touch, and he became undone, and lost all sense of what was right, and what was wrong. It scared him to think that someone had this much power over him, he wasn't sure if he liked it or not.

He couldn't express his feelings very well at all. He never really had been able to, and it just got more complicated when he was in a relationship. He found it hard to communicate his thoughts and feelings, so usually, he didn't, it was easier not to. He tried, but his track record showed him that it wasn't enough, nobody seemed to understand what he did, or what he didn't do.

He had his own fears to deal with too. His last relationship had crashed and burned. It had taken him a long time to get over that. He had thought she was the one, and she had come very close to being Mrs. Grissom, but when he found Julia in bed with a co-worker, that had crushed him, and he had withdrawn even further into himself. That was the first time he had really let someone else past the barriers he had built around himself since his father had died, and it only hurt more in the end. He couldn't go through that again.

If he had a relationship with Sara, if he let her in like he had with Julia, and she got tired or bored, or fed up with his faults, just like Julia had, and left him, he didn't think he could survive that. Sara wasn't the type of woman to cheat, he knew that, but he had also trusted Julia. What if he drove Sara to do that? What if it was Nick, or Greg, or some other young man that he pushed her to? Maybe it was his fault Julia had gone seeking love from another, and he couldn't leave himself open to that possibility with Sara. It scared him, and he felt stabs of pain at the thought of it. He couldn't do it.

A soft laugh from the hallway made him raise his head, and he sighed. Of course. She always had impeccable timing. His eyes were trained on her, as she laughed, and talked easily with Nick, as they walked side-by-side towards the locker room, coming towards his office. He assumed they had gone home already, but they must have been finishing up on paperwork.

She seemed to be fitting in well here. He knew there was still a bit of tension between her and Warrick, and even Catherine, but everyone else loved her, and he couldn't blame them. She had that impression on people. All it took was one glance across a seminar room, one look at that Sidle smile she was now wearing for Nick as he joked, and he knew he was done for. Everyone else seemed to fall under that spell too.

"Hey, Sar?"

_Sar? He had already given her a nickname?_

"Wanna go get something to eat? I don't know about you, but I'm starving after that double."

Sara looked up, and just caught Grissom's eye. He didn't look away, he was already caught, there was no use in pretending. He remembered his words from earlier on, and without thinking, he gave her a slight nod, which made the ache in his head slightly sharper.

Sara quickly looked back to Nick, who hadn't noticed. "Well, as long as there is no raw liver, I'm in."

Nick laughed, shaking his head. After their case where a teenager had choked to death on raw liver that had been force fed to him, neither of them would touch any for a long, long time. "There's this great diner not too far from here, Frank's diner. They do great chilaquiles."

Sara smiled again as they walked past Grissom's office, not taking another look back to him.

He quickly scrambled to his feet, the room spinning slightly and closed the door to his office, and then the blinds. He shut out all the sounds of the lab, and hoped he could shut out his thoughts and feelings for Sara too.

He groaned as he leaned against the door, resting his head against the cool surface. He could feel signs getting worse, the dull throbbing on the left side of his head had become a sharp, almost burning pain, the ringing in his ears, and the upset stomach that was beginning to stir.

He should have known this migraine was coming. After the day he had, he would have been surprised if he hadn't had one. He quickly switched off the lights in his office, knowing how sensitive he became to light when he got a migraine.

The tablets were beginning to kick in, he could feel himself becoming sleepy, his lids heavy. It was the only way to counteract the pain, was to sleep it off, in the darkest room he could find.

He kicked off his shoes, and his jacket, rolling it up and putting it under his head as he stretched out across the sofa. He lay back, closing his eyes, and he crossed his arm over his eyes, so not even the light that filtered in through the blinds could affect him.

He could have gone home, and go back to his usual routine after he woke, which, he hated to admit now, involved the Discovery channel, crossword puzzles, forensic journals and his experiments. Right now, he could face none of that.

He welcomed the pain, it was a distraction from everything, from his own thoughts. Even he needed to escape his own thought every now and then.

He started to drift off after a few moments, and the last thing he could remember, unsure whether he was imagining it or if it was real, was the soft scent of vanilla, and a warm touch against his cheek.

He was too close to sleep, the migraine had fully taken over, and the pills were doing their job. He mumbled something, as he felt a warm blanket being laid over him, another touch to his cheek, and he drifted off, all thoughts of a vanilla scented presence lost.

_**xxx**_

**A/N: **Sorry this was late guys, had a lot going on with work, and friends, and learning to drive, and oh THAT FORGET ME NOT PROMO AND THE FACT JORJA IS DOING A LIVE CHAT ON WEDNESDAY.

Woah, sorry. Okay, a little emotional this week!

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, and favorited, and followed, and pm'd, and messaged me on tumblr, I appreciate your support as always!

Hope you enjoyed! Was Grissom imagining her presence, or was she really there?

Send me a review, let me know what you think! Might update again tomorrow, if you guys review!

Stay strong, we can survive Forget Me Not!


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